"Are we in love with God or just His stuff? Imagine how awful it would feel to have your child say to you, 'I don't really love you or want your love, but I would like my allowance please.' Conversely, what a beautiful gift it is to have the one you love look at you in the eye and say, 'I love you. Not your beauty, your money, your family or your car. Just you." -Francis Chan in Crazy Love
One of the many reasons I appreciate my time in Jamaica so much is that I have a tendency to build up a wall around me. I think we all do that to an extent, but my wall can be so thick that even if I know there's something that I need to hear or change...I walk away from it in order to go on living my life as it is. God knows about these stubborn tendencies and knows that I'm a much better listener when I'm pulled out of my carefree life and brought to my favorite place in the world to solely focus on Him. I've been doing quite a bit of reading and I'm finding that He keeps revealing the same message: if you don't focus your life on God, His love and His plan, you will find yourself making the other things in your life your personal earthly gods. When you do this, you will ALWAYS fall short. We end up finding ourselves working so hard for approval from others and believing that we're inadequate that we forget that we already have infinite grace. Guess what. You will never be good enough in the world's eyes... no matter how pretty you are, how much money you have, how much good you do, there will always be criticism from the world. Our idea of success is generally based on our income or our social status but what we don't always realize is what we're missing. Here, nothing is missing for me. My heart is whole, my walls are down and I see purpose. The people I meet are here to love, and to love with every ounce of their heart without holding back. The people we're loving show unconditional love in return. Nobody is holding out their scars or hiding behind a heartbreak from the past...we're just people helping people and everything makes sense. People aren't doing things to receive credit... they're helping because that's what they've been called to do. At a debrief the other night, Kendall said something that I've been constantly repeating to myself. She was talking about how blessed her and Nick have been and discussed a conversation she was having with God when she heard him say, "Kendall, I've given you your house, your job, your finances and everything that you have. Now what are you going to do in return?" In our society, when we are blessed we gain pride and arrogance rather than gaining gratitude and faith. People may say, "I've worked hard for my money and I want to spend it on what I want" when really, God's given you the ability and means to make the money and it should be used in the way that He wants. It's Gods money, you're managing it. There's always the exception of the lazy person that needs to get up and do something with themselves, but in general I think we need to change our way of thinking. As I was reading Crazy Love, I learned that "If one hundred people represented the world's population, fifty-three of those would live on less than $2 a day. Do you realize that if you make $4000 a month, you automatically make one hundred times more than the average person on the planet?" Most of these people are born into poverty, and breaking the cycle is out of the realm of possibility for them. This is where I've been able to see the most faithful people that I have ever met in my life because Jesus isn't all you need until He's all you have. God has shown me that prosperity hardens the heart and too many of us are "okay" going a day without acknowledging God...who has provided it all. Who needs God when they have "earned" everything that they need and more!? It's hard for God to really reveal himself to you if you think you have earned what you have, unless He takes you to a place where you feel alone and need Him. It's happened before and will probably happen again but I pray that I am rock solid in my faith the next time I do reach a dark place in my life or lose somebody I love because without faith, nothing makes sense. I have a long way to go until I reach and feel the reality of what He's been showing me, but each day brings a new lesson as I see the utter joy in these people who have nothing other than God.
Whew, sorry for the preaching session... I started and couldn't stop! The rest of last week was nothing short of unbelievable. Every day we saw miracles and found inspiration everywhere we went. The house spent every morning working on the house and every afternoon doing VBS with the kids at Windsor. Every day Mr. Willie showed more and more gratitude for his new house. One day, Nick shared that he was opening and shutting the doors over and over. Something as simple as a door is such a luxury that Mr. Willie couldn't believe that he was having doors on his house for the first time. I sit in disbelief when I see people like Mr. Willie thanking God for building him a house. This house is a 10x14, 1 room shelter. They don't get a bathroom or shower and unless the team has provided excess funds, they still won't have a bed. I need to spend at least 10 minutes every day by myself or I'll go insane...some of these houses put a roof over the heads of entire families that sleep on top of each other but are grateful for what they have. On the last day, Mr. Willie sat in the doorway jingling his keys with a big grin on his face while the team tried to organize a picture around him. Every time we'd walk around the area for VBS, we'd find him doing something else for the house. He was using every piece of scrap wood he could find to put shelves on a little beat-up dresser he had and used a nail to hang up his only jacket and hat on the wall.
At the end of last week, I went with Uncle to find the next houses that would be built. On Wednesday night we all talked and I prayed that we would be led to the people that are in desperate need for a house. It's hard because the need here is so relative and while there are SO many people in need, there are also mothers making a bed out of leaves under a tree for their children to sleep on at night. Uncle and I walked through Steertown and prayers were answered when we landed on Tina's doorstep. Tina is a young mother of 6 that I met last summer when she introduced herself as I was taking information for the sponsorship program. She gave me a torn, battered picture of her family and was begging for help. They'd lost their house in a fire and she felt no hope. I've been carrying her picture around for a year and haven't seen her since. She squinted and yelled my name, I pulled my glasses up and yelled her name and we were reunited. There are some people that have been put in my life and I know that they're there for a reason, but on many occasions never get to see the reason. With Tina, it was such a blessing to be back with her and meet her kids. They've been living in the same house that had the fire, 7 of them on 2 twin beds. Her kids ran up and hugged me as if I'd known them for years and her son asked "mom, this is katie?! she didn't forget us." Wow. While we were praying for God to lead us to somebody, she was praying for my return in desperation for a house for her family. I'd only spent a total of probably 20 minutes with Tina last year and for whatever reason, she saw our relationship as hope. God used that as an obvious answer to her prayer so that He would get the glory. I sooooo love being along for this ride.
Later that day, we'd seen the different houses and our decision wasn't settling right with me. I knew that there was somebody out there that was on their knees looking for mercy...and there was. When we went up to Windsor for VBS on Thursday, I met Melissa. Dusty has known Melissa for most of her life but I hadn't met her before now. Melissa is 29 years old and has been through more in her short life than most have lived through at the age of 100, yet is glowing with happiness. She came to me begging for help for a friend, Cheryl, who has been living in a dangerous part of town on her sisters floor, with her kids. Cheryl was living with her kids and their father, who was physically beating her to death. She believed that it was important for the kids to be living with their dad, so she put up with it. I haven't yet learned her entire story but she eventually left him to stay on the floor of this place where she and the kids are hearing gunshots every night. When Melissa called her to tell her I was willing to talk to her, I heard her scream "praise Jesus!" Cheryl started running from Steertown to Windsor for the hope of survival, safety and security for her kids. After multiple phone calls and no taxi's on the way...we ended up having to leave before I could talk to her. I told Melissa to keep praying and I'd do the same. A big part of me was afraid to even come back and talk to anybody about Cheryl's need because I was afraid to hear "no." We'd just talked about eliminating anybody except for elderly people that couldn't build on their own and my heart was so set on Cheryl, I couldn't bear to think about her going back to her feeling of hopelessness. It's funny how if it's God's plan, there's nothing to worry about... He had everything under control and I had the blessing of calling Melissa that night to tell her that Cheryl was going to be able to sleep at night by the end of next week. Cheryl fell to her knees as she cried and gave all of her thanks to the "fada up above."
The week ended with a day of tubing down white river and some relaxation time before the next team came in. I'm so excited to be working with Terry and her team again this year. She has the ability to guide these kids in a way that I've never seen before. I'm excited to see what happens this week with Cheryl, St. Josephs and the lives that are touched!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Monday
I don't even know where to begin! I wish I was better about blogging every day because the past few days have been filled to the seams with things I want to share but will likely forget to include.
On Monday morning we woke up for devotional, breakfast and the blessing of the hands. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last blog but Blackwelder raised the funds to build a house for somebody. None of us had met the man we were building the house for, but to give you an idea of how he was living... he surpassed a waiting list of over 400 people in order to have a house built for him after his condition was brought to IsleGo's attention only three weeks ago. Mr Williams (Willie) is a 74 year old angel with no teeth, two pairs of shoes, a rusty sheet of metal for a bed, a dream of a carrot farm and a heart for the Lord. Oh, and some pieces of zinc thrown together with a tarp to call home. When I approached Mr. Willie to introduce myself, he was standing and looking at the commotion of "whitey's" that had come to his little piece of land in their tiny village to build a home. A real sturdy home with doors and windows... for him. Since I've known him (all three days), he's worn a look of shock on his face as if he'd performed a miracle through praying for a house and it was evident upon our first meeting that we were exactly where we were supposed to be. You could almost hear the angels partying.
Once I started talking to Mr. Willie, he wanted to make sure that I knew he never asks for anything. He doesn't ask for food, money or help because he has faith that the Lord will provide. When I smiled, he saw the approval and immediately wanted reveal more detail. He told me about how he's trying to plant a garden so he can eat from his own plants and is trying to start growing carrots. He then led me to his "house" where he showed me a can of carrots. He wanted to prove to me that he wasn't making up a story and even showed me the inside of where he's been living, all with a cheerful spirit and abundant pride. There's no way anybody could understand how adorable this man really is without meeting him, but I can't stop thinking about what a blessing it's been to spend time with him this week. When the team started construction, they realized that they didn't have any source for power and would need to ask somebody up the hill if they could use their current. Mr. Willie (who is pretty quiet and doesn't seem to feel comfortable asking for help) was asked to go ask the woman for power. He acted like I would have in middle school if I was afraid to ask my mom if I could do something that I knew she'd say no. He got ready to walk up the hill on a mission. He took off his flip flops and slipped into his new hiking shoes as he looked at me to tell me how much he loved them. Similarly to our reputation being brought down if teams act a certain way throughout a week, if one person gives somebody something they think we all gave it to them. Not sure if you'd heard but all white people are the same and since Jim gave Mr. Willie his shoes last week, Mr Willie had to thank me. He went all the way up to ask the lady, walked all the way down to tell Nattie that the lady was going to make him pay and walked all the way back up to pay her before coming back, changing back into his flip flops and sitting back down. The whole process took nearly 30 minutes and each time they failed at finding a power source, everybody would laugh hysterically before going to the next option. I'm readopting the Jamaica no problem, irie state of mind and it was very much missed.
Along with having the opportunity to be a part of this miracle, we've also been working in Windsor- an area that I spent time in a few years ago. I had very close friendships and a heart for the people up there, specifically two little girls named Kayauna and Shanique. Kayauna was an infant at the time and spent every day for multiple weeks cuddled up in my arms. I would feed her pineapple juice out of an old bottle with a needle-sized hole in the nipple, which was the only option if she was going to get anything in her belly. Shanique was a 9 year old girl that had a physical brightness about her. She was one of the few little girls that had goals and the ambition needed to reach them. She used to take me to her house to show me her puppies and ask questions about school and life. She would come find me every day so I could go pray for an older man, Johnny, because he was sick and she wanted to see him heal. We grew closer over the weeks and before I left, she asked me to be her godmother. I'd lost touch with Shanique but have saved all of her letters and pictures she'd drawn for me. After that summer, I stayed in touch with Kayauna's mom and the last time I talked to her she told me that Kayauna was sick and they didn't know if she was going to make it. After losing touch with them, we also stopped working in Windsor and I truly believed I'd never see them again.
When the team started building the house, I asked Nattie if she knew of a little girl named Kayauna. After thinking for a second she smiled and pointed to a happy, healthy 3 year old girl running around with a soccer ball. This will sound strange and possibly disturbing, but I felt like I could relate to fathers that went to see their child for the first time...but knowing that the child doesn't know who they are. I was so emotionally invested in thoughts and prayer for Kayauna and to see her there, alive and well, three years later was almost too much to handle. Hiding the tears from Nattie, I continued asking about people in town and found out Shanique was still around. That afternoon we went to VBS and when somebody found out who I was, they yelled over to Kayauna's mom and said "Kayauna's godmother is here," to which she responded, "Kaidie, is it really you?!" I was never very close to Kayauna's mom (she was in my phone as Kayauna Mama, if that tells you anything) but I really believe that that little girl was brought into my life for a reason. After VBS I heard a sweet little hello and turned around to see a gorgeous young woman standing in front of me. Shanique, although she's gone through puberty and is no longer a little girl, still has the same sweetness about her. She is proper, aware and brilliant but I know that the girl can handle her own. Her dad is working in Canada to make money and she wants to be an endocrinologist... in Windsor the girls gain status by being intimidating and acting 10 years older than they are. If she does take criticism, I can see a side of her that says she's been around long enough to stand up for herself and do what she has to do to get by. After seeing Shanique, I felt a little bit of parental-type pride just hearing her talk about the goals she still has for herself. I am so proud of who she's become and can't wait to see her continue to grow.
On Monday morning we woke up for devotional, breakfast and the blessing of the hands. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last blog but Blackwelder raised the funds to build a house for somebody. None of us had met the man we were building the house for, but to give you an idea of how he was living... he surpassed a waiting list of over 400 people in order to have a house built for him after his condition was brought to IsleGo's attention only three weeks ago. Mr Williams (Willie) is a 74 year old angel with no teeth, two pairs of shoes, a rusty sheet of metal for a bed, a dream of a carrot farm and a heart for the Lord. Oh, and some pieces of zinc thrown together with a tarp to call home. When I approached Mr. Willie to introduce myself, he was standing and looking at the commotion of "whitey's" that had come to his little piece of land in their tiny village to build a home. A real sturdy home with doors and windows... for him. Since I've known him (all three days), he's worn a look of shock on his face as if he'd performed a miracle through praying for a house and it was evident upon our first meeting that we were exactly where we were supposed to be. You could almost hear the angels partying.
Once I started talking to Mr. Willie, he wanted to make sure that I knew he never asks for anything. He doesn't ask for food, money or help because he has faith that the Lord will provide. When I smiled, he saw the approval and immediately wanted reveal more detail. He told me about how he's trying to plant a garden so he can eat from his own plants and is trying to start growing carrots. He then led me to his "house" where he showed me a can of carrots. He wanted to prove to me that he wasn't making up a story and even showed me the inside of where he's been living, all with a cheerful spirit and abundant pride. There's no way anybody could understand how adorable this man really is without meeting him, but I can't stop thinking about what a blessing it's been to spend time with him this week. When the team started construction, they realized that they didn't have any source for power and would need to ask somebody up the hill if they could use their current. Mr. Willie (who is pretty quiet and doesn't seem to feel comfortable asking for help) was asked to go ask the woman for power. He acted like I would have in middle school if I was afraid to ask my mom if I could do something that I knew she'd say no. He got ready to walk up the hill on a mission. He took off his flip flops and slipped into his new hiking shoes as he looked at me to tell me how much he loved them. Similarly to our reputation being brought down if teams act a certain way throughout a week, if one person gives somebody something they think we all gave it to them. Not sure if you'd heard but all white people are the same and since Jim gave Mr. Willie his shoes last week, Mr Willie had to thank me. He went all the way up to ask the lady, walked all the way down to tell Nattie that the lady was going to make him pay and walked all the way back up to pay her before coming back, changing back into his flip flops and sitting back down. The whole process took nearly 30 minutes and each time they failed at finding a power source, everybody would laugh hysterically before going to the next option. I'm readopting the Jamaica no problem, irie state of mind and it was very much missed.
Along with having the opportunity to be a part of this miracle, we've also been working in Windsor- an area that I spent time in a few years ago. I had very close friendships and a heart for the people up there, specifically two little girls named Kayauna and Shanique. Kayauna was an infant at the time and spent every day for multiple weeks cuddled up in my arms. I would feed her pineapple juice out of an old bottle with a needle-sized hole in the nipple, which was the only option if she was going to get anything in her belly. Shanique was a 9 year old girl that had a physical brightness about her. She was one of the few little girls that had goals and the ambition needed to reach them. She used to take me to her house to show me her puppies and ask questions about school and life. She would come find me every day so I could go pray for an older man, Johnny, because he was sick and she wanted to see him heal. We grew closer over the weeks and before I left, she asked me to be her godmother. I'd lost touch with Shanique but have saved all of her letters and pictures she'd drawn for me. After that summer, I stayed in touch with Kayauna's mom and the last time I talked to her she told me that Kayauna was sick and they didn't know if she was going to make it. After losing touch with them, we also stopped working in Windsor and I truly believed I'd never see them again.
When the team started building the house, I asked Nattie if she knew of a little girl named Kayauna. After thinking for a second she smiled and pointed to a happy, healthy 3 year old girl running around with a soccer ball. This will sound strange and possibly disturbing, but I felt like I could relate to fathers that went to see their child for the first time...but knowing that the child doesn't know who they are. I was so emotionally invested in thoughts and prayer for Kayauna and to see her there, alive and well, three years later was almost too much to handle. Hiding the tears from Nattie, I continued asking about people in town and found out Shanique was still around. That afternoon we went to VBS and when somebody found out who I was, they yelled over to Kayauna's mom and said "Kayauna's godmother is here," to which she responded, "Kaidie, is it really you?!" I was never very close to Kayauna's mom (she was in my phone as Kayauna Mama, if that tells you anything) but I really believe that that little girl was brought into my life for a reason. After VBS I heard a sweet little hello and turned around to see a gorgeous young woman standing in front of me. Shanique, although she's gone through puberty and is no longer a little girl, still has the same sweetness about her. She is proper, aware and brilliant but I know that the girl can handle her own. Her dad is working in Canada to make money and she wants to be an endocrinologist... in Windsor the girls gain status by being intimidating and acting 10 years older than they are. If she does take criticism, I can see a side of her that says she's been around long enough to stand up for herself and do what she has to do to get by. After seeing Shanique, I felt a little bit of parental-type pride just hearing her talk about the goals she still has for herself. I am so proud of who she's become and can't wait to see her continue to grow.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Compassion
Lets look at the hurting until we hurt with them. No hurrying past, turning away, or shifting of eyes. No pretending or glossing over. Let's look at the face until we see the person. - Max Lucado in Out Live Your Life
This thought has really stuck with me as I've worked with American teams coming to third world countries as missionaries and Max Lucado has put my feelings into words. It's so easy, especially in our society, to shut your mind off to the possibility of helping or healing. How often do we turn the opposite direction if we see a homeless person asking for money or food? What about paying a visit to the parentless kids in your community? Too dangerous? Too dirty? My favorite part of being involved with missions is being able to see God work in peoples' lives. When people are here (myself included), our purpose is to show love. It may be through evangelism, spending time with kids, building a house for a family, supporting children and their education or just offering a listening ear. Regardless of how we're doing it, we're here to make sure that when we leave... these people know that they matter. What ends up happening is something unexpected and even terrifying for these giving souls: their life is changed. Who would have ever imagined that through giving, you are the one that's receiving the gift. More often than not, I sit in on meetings on any given last night for a team and hear about the unexpected change that's taken place in their heart. I am blessed beyond words to be able to see this tiny piece of God's plan...seeing people look at the hurting and see them as people for the first time. They stop labeling them as "homeless, drunk, junkie, dying, hungry" and actually look the individuals as humans and hurt with them. I can only pray that they'll take that home with them and realize that the "beggars" back home are as human as any of the people they've connected with here.
CHWC left yesterday and it was, as always, hard to see them go. There's an undeniable happiness around here when we're together and have a week to reunite. I'm reminded year after year how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life. Michelle has been one of my most inspirational and best friends over the past few years and I'm constantly watching her give without seizing. She truly takes Matthew 6:3 to the core in not ever giving to receive credit or acknowledgement. I'm always learning from her love and wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country!
On the teams' last night, I spoke to them about how to make this short-term mission a lifelong experience. Any time I speak, I ask God to say what he wants through me. I don't trust myself to say anything that would be remotely inspiring or even educational to the teams compared to the words He has. For any CHWC people reading, I do have to apologize because looking back, I remember saying a lot of "I" and "me," which may have seemed normal in an autobiographical speech about my experiences but I feel like I gave myself some kind of credit for the work I've been able to be a part of when I have nothing to do with it. The only thing that I did was agree to go along for the ride and see where He would send me. One thing I've learned over the years is that God's going to do what he wants whether we're there for it or not...I could have NEVER reached where I am today if I hadn't listened to where He was telling me to go and kept faith that He'd provide in all areas of question. Once you follow the path He's put you on, you will be abundantly blessed-that is a promise. One other thing I've learned is that He won't ever fail and if He's telling you to do something, it's exactly what you should do. My passion for missions is unquestionably from Him and I want to go back and say that God gets the glory for the desire and motivation He's given me for missions.
Yesterday I had some time to relax before the next team came in and spent some time by the pool reading Out Live Your Life. If there's a place more serene than the side of the pool with a book in hand, listening to the waves from the ocean... I haven't been there. It's so good to have Betty back here and to have met Blythe. We went to church this morning and are spending the afternoon physically and mentally getting ready for the week ahead! By next Friday, there will be a roof over the head of a sweet man that doesn't have a home, hungry stomachs will be filled and love will be felt at a level that's beyond any of our dreams.
Hopefully I'll be updating much more this week than last week!
One love
This thought has really stuck with me as I've worked with American teams coming to third world countries as missionaries and Max Lucado has put my feelings into words. It's so easy, especially in our society, to shut your mind off to the possibility of helping or healing. How often do we turn the opposite direction if we see a homeless person asking for money or food? What about paying a visit to the parentless kids in your community? Too dangerous? Too dirty? My favorite part of being involved with missions is being able to see God work in peoples' lives. When people are here (myself included), our purpose is to show love. It may be through evangelism, spending time with kids, building a house for a family, supporting children and their education or just offering a listening ear. Regardless of how we're doing it, we're here to make sure that when we leave... these people know that they matter. What ends up happening is something unexpected and even terrifying for these giving souls: their life is changed. Who would have ever imagined that through giving, you are the one that's receiving the gift. More often than not, I sit in on meetings on any given last night for a team and hear about the unexpected change that's taken place in their heart. I am blessed beyond words to be able to see this tiny piece of God's plan...seeing people look at the hurting and see them as people for the first time. They stop labeling them as "homeless, drunk, junkie, dying, hungry" and actually look the individuals as humans and hurt with them. I can only pray that they'll take that home with them and realize that the "beggars" back home are as human as any of the people they've connected with here.
CHWC left yesterday and it was, as always, hard to see them go. There's an undeniable happiness around here when we're together and have a week to reunite. I'm reminded year after year how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life. Michelle has been one of my most inspirational and best friends over the past few years and I'm constantly watching her give without seizing. She truly takes Matthew 6:3 to the core in not ever giving to receive credit or acknowledgement. I'm always learning from her love and wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country!
On the teams' last night, I spoke to them about how to make this short-term mission a lifelong experience. Any time I speak, I ask God to say what he wants through me. I don't trust myself to say anything that would be remotely inspiring or even educational to the teams compared to the words He has. For any CHWC people reading, I do have to apologize because looking back, I remember saying a lot of "I" and "me," which may have seemed normal in an autobiographical speech about my experiences but I feel like I gave myself some kind of credit for the work I've been able to be a part of when I have nothing to do with it. The only thing that I did was agree to go along for the ride and see where He would send me. One thing I've learned over the years is that God's going to do what he wants whether we're there for it or not...I could have NEVER reached where I am today if I hadn't listened to where He was telling me to go and kept faith that He'd provide in all areas of question. Once you follow the path He's put you on, you will be abundantly blessed-that is a promise. One other thing I've learned is that He won't ever fail and if He's telling you to do something, it's exactly what you should do. My passion for missions is unquestionably from Him and I want to go back and say that God gets the glory for the desire and motivation He's given me for missions.
Yesterday I had some time to relax before the next team came in and spent some time by the pool reading Out Live Your Life. If there's a place more serene than the side of the pool with a book in hand, listening to the waves from the ocean... I haven't been there. It's so good to have Betty back here and to have met Blythe. We went to church this morning and are spending the afternoon physically and mentally getting ready for the week ahead! By next Friday, there will be a roof over the head of a sweet man that doesn't have a home, hungry stomachs will be filled and love will be felt at a level that's beyond any of our dreams.
Hopefully I'll be updating much more this week than last week!
One love
Week 1-Thursday
Where has this week gone?! I feel like I'm finally caught up on sleep, learning names, smiling and back to myself...just in time for CHWC's free day tomorrow! The past two days of work have been filled with sweat & tears as the team's been building eternal relationships with the Jamaican people. Yesterday I started the day with two teams in St. Ann's market buying groceries for families in SeVille Heights. There's nothing more entertaining than watching 18 Americans go in to a foreign grocery store to find "medium spice bun, salt fish, bag of red beans with twistie tie" and various other Jamaican food items. They actually did really well and stayed under budget! When we got to SeVille, I went to find somebody to tell us which families needed food. I haven't been at that worksite at all yet this summer, which made for an exciting hello with Richard and Marcus. There's no way to explain the love that I have for these people but when you work side by side for weeks, spending endless hours getting to know each other, there's a magnetic bond that exists no matter how long it's been since I've seen them. The first family we visited only had one family member home but we were able to deliver the groceries and pray with her. At the second house we met a sweet sweet sweet mommy named Opal. She's really young and struggling to raise a family on her own. She stood on the porch holding her baby, who's smile revealed the most adorable two teeth I've ever seen! Both ladies were clearly grateful and sent us off with abundant thanks!
Yesterday afternoon I went to the infirmary. I've certainly become more comfortable going there, especially as my friendships have grown but regardless of how many times I go or how many relationships I have, I still have a hard time being there. Before we went in the groups were prepared for what they'd be seeing. I've learned that it doesn't matter how many people say they've worked in hospitals or trauma units and can handle anything, the infirmary is the most sickening place I've ever been. The living conditions, the care and the lack of compassion that's seen there is nearly nonexistent. I went and said hello to everybody while aiming towards Ryan. There's no smile in the world better than Donovan's and I saw it from across the room. It always amazes me that he has such a fantastic memory and can tell me exactly when I was there last. He said he'd been waiting for me to come back since January and I, naturally, told him I'd have to stop visiting if he didn't just lock Dolores down and marry her! After catching up, a nurse came over and told me to have a talk with him because he'd been saying he didn't have a reason to live. My heart immediately sank. I've spend a lot of time in that place over the past couple of years and my biggest fear is hearing one of my friends say something implying a desire to die. I asked Donovan what on earth he was talking about and he explained that he doesn't see the point. He spends every day in the infirmary with terrible food, no hope of ever leaving or having a "normal" life, he can't even go to the road and just wants to go home. In all of the hours I've spent talking and laughing with Donovan, this was the first time I've seen his face drop before tears filled his eyes. He was being real, sharing his innermost thoughts about not wanting to live. I was able to talk to him and explain how much he's changed my life but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Uncle came over and talked to him about how much he has to live for. I don't have very many people that have been able to change my life with a smile but I'd do anything to make him understand how much he means to me.
Last night, the ladies cooked a delicious rump-roast with pumpkin rice, vegetables, baked potatoes and a sweet potato pie for dessert. It's become common knowledge around Miramar that sweet potato pie is my absolute favorite and Dorrett makes sure to hook it up! Uncle and Auntie came to speak to the team about what it's like to raise a family in Jamaica. I've had a chance to really form a close friendship with Auntie over the past year with the sponsorship program and learning what a giving person she is. I talked to the two of them after they spoke and learned that they're sending their daughter to college to study law. It's hard to find married couples on this island but to find a married couple that has dedicated their life together to giving and then not only send their kids to school but to give their daughter a chance to really make it is unheard of. I wish there were more people in the world like them!
Today I spent the day at SeVille overlooking the cementing, bucket lines and cinder block tossing. I FINALLY had an opportunity to catch up with Melanie in the morning while our teams were working together. She was on her last week and, as with any of us, wasn't quite ready to leave. I love knowing I've been blessed with these friends in my life that feel the same kind of calling to missions. It's comforting to have such a solid group of support when going home and need to talk to people that understand.
Yesterday afternoon I went to the infirmary. I've certainly become more comfortable going there, especially as my friendships have grown but regardless of how many times I go or how many relationships I have, I still have a hard time being there. Before we went in the groups were prepared for what they'd be seeing. I've learned that it doesn't matter how many people say they've worked in hospitals or trauma units and can handle anything, the infirmary is the most sickening place I've ever been. The living conditions, the care and the lack of compassion that's seen there is nearly nonexistent. I went and said hello to everybody while aiming towards Ryan. There's no smile in the world better than Donovan's and I saw it from across the room. It always amazes me that he has such a fantastic memory and can tell me exactly when I was there last. He said he'd been waiting for me to come back since January and I, naturally, told him I'd have to stop visiting if he didn't just lock Dolores down and marry her! After catching up, a nurse came over and told me to have a talk with him because he'd been saying he didn't have a reason to live. My heart immediately sank. I've spend a lot of time in that place over the past couple of years and my biggest fear is hearing one of my friends say something implying a desire to die. I asked Donovan what on earth he was talking about and he explained that he doesn't see the point. He spends every day in the infirmary with terrible food, no hope of ever leaving or having a "normal" life, he can't even go to the road and just wants to go home. In all of the hours I've spent talking and laughing with Donovan, this was the first time I've seen his face drop before tears filled his eyes. He was being real, sharing his innermost thoughts about not wanting to live. I was able to talk to him and explain how much he's changed my life but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Uncle came over and talked to him about how much he has to live for. I don't have very many people that have been able to change my life with a smile but I'd do anything to make him understand how much he means to me.
Last night, the ladies cooked a delicious rump-roast with pumpkin rice, vegetables, baked potatoes and a sweet potato pie for dessert. It's become common knowledge around Miramar that sweet potato pie is my absolute favorite and Dorrett makes sure to hook it up! Uncle and Auntie came to speak to the team about what it's like to raise a family in Jamaica. I've had a chance to really form a close friendship with Auntie over the past year with the sponsorship program and learning what a giving person she is. I talked to the two of them after they spoke and learned that they're sending their daughter to college to study law. It's hard to find married couples on this island but to find a married couple that has dedicated their life together to giving and then not only send their kids to school but to give their daughter a chance to really make it is unheard of. I wish there were more people in the world like them!
Today I spent the day at SeVille overlooking the cementing, bucket lines and cinder block tossing. I FINALLY had an opportunity to catch up with Melanie in the morning while our teams were working together. She was on her last week and, as with any of us, wasn't quite ready to leave. I love knowing I've been blessed with these friends in my life that feel the same kind of calling to missions. It's comforting to have such a solid group of support when going home and need to talk to people that understand.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Irie
Life is not measured by how much one owns. Luke 12:15
What an unbelievable couple of days. We started work yesterday and I was placed at "Donna's house." This is really a group of houses where Miss Donna lives, along with her relatives and children. I still don't know the entire background of the people but they're all suffering from some kind of disability. Our job was to paint her house blue and paint another, much larger house, green. IsleGo has been working with Donna's compound for years but this was the first time I'd ever had the opportunity to be there. After driving through de bush we arrived and I immediately saw Elise coming through the walkway. We unloaded the bus and realized we brought water paint instead of oil paint. This meant we would be left with only two gallons of green paint and a whole lot of time before the paint would be exchanged. When I'm saying "houses" I really mean "shelters" and when I say "compound" I mean "many shelters put in a common area in the middle of the forest." Some of the houses were made out of pieces of wood (all shapes and sizes) nailed together with pieces of metal thrown over the top for the roof. There are all sorts of animals running around... including but not limited to: dogs with their puppies, cats with their kittens, chickens/roosters/chicks and you can't forget the babies! Some of the sweetest kids I've ever met are at this site and are all desperate for attention and love. Their shower was made in the back of the house out of pieces of sheet metal with linoleum laid over cement for the floor and a hose that could be attached to a tap. They also attached pieces of a mirror next to the faucet... unbelievable innovation. Without any kind of garbage service, the garbage in their area needs to be burned. Their burn pile was about a yard away from one of the houses and constantly blowing through the windows.
It didn't take long to use up the paint we had available, which meant time with the kids. We played some duck, duck goose, ring around the rosie and colored pictures. I stepped back at one point and saw three of the biggest, strongest, football-playing high schoolers I've ever seen running around with kids on their shoulders. These kids are wearing clothes that barely fit them, only one little boy was wearing shoes, the only toys in sight were the bright colored bubbles and nerf balls brought by the team and there wasn't one individual on the entire field that didn't have a gigantic smile plastered on their face. The majority of kids I've had a chance to be around on this island have little to no father or adult male influence and just seeing this interaction gave me a world of hope for these kids.
Today...
Today started great and ended at a point where my heart couldn't have possibly reached a better place. Not only did we have festival & fritters for breakfast but it was patty day. Aside from food, I can't even explain the bond that has grown between myself and Dorrett, Alma and Melva in the kitchen. I wake up in the morning and genuinely look forward to seeing Dorrett's smiling face and hearing her respond "I AM BLESSED" when I ask her how she is in the morning. I have grown the closest with Dorrett but each of them has something so genuine about them that I can't help but love them. Today I was going to the Bright Beginners graduation so I told them that's where I was headed in the afternoon. At the end of the day, they asked for every detail as to how my day was and remembered the smallest details of what I'd previously told them. Later on, Dorrett asked whether or not I liked fish. I told her that I was sure the team would be happy with the fish she was making and she stopped me and said, "no, Katie. I asked if YOU liked fish because if YOU don't like fish I'm not going to make it." It's always nice to have somebody to talk to but it's entirely different when you meet people that you share a mutual unconditional love with.
Bright Beginner's graduation was adorable. This year they only had 5 graduating but still had a full ceremony and very enthusiastic parents! We didn't get started until an hour after the start-time but I was able to sit and play with a sweet little girl who could not have been more proud of her beautiful, twirly dress and heels. The kids all recited poems, songs and accepted their awards for various accomplishments. It's hard to believe that Cynthia is the same person that I met a few years ago after all of the things she's been through. After talking to her for a few minutes today, her one consistent statement was, "I still have hope."
On the ride home, I knew Ryan was supposed to be at the villas but wasn't sure if he'd confirmed with anybody in terms of a ride. I haven't seen him yet and have been feeling like I've neglected him. When we pulled in my heart started racing out of the possibility of him being there. Over the past year or so, Ryan has become a brother to me. We immediately connected and I've felt a connection with him from the day we met... he is one of the most curious, brilliant and inspiring people I've ever met and to say that he's a friend would be an understatement. For anybody that doesn't know, Ryan is 23 and living in the infirmary in Priory, JA because he is paralyzed from the waist down. The infirmary is filled with (mostly) elderly people with illnesses, no family, deformities, mental illnesses and essentially no hope. We've called it the drop off for the unwanted and today I heard a different term that was essentially saying "your time is up." The fact that he's living there is devastating but to know the kind of potential he has with the right care is even more upsetting.
When we pulled into the villas I saw my group from Miramar pushing his wheelchair down to the villas as we passed. We had to park at the other villas, so I immediately got off of the bus and ran (in my skirt and little wedges) down to Miramar. Trying to play it cool, I slowed down by the entrance and could see him looking down at pictures with the team surrounding him. They all opened a space and turned his chair to face me before I heard somebody say, "Ryan, look who's back." I had absolutely no idea how emotionally invested I've been in his life but for some reason when I saw him and his face light up, I gave him a big hug and started sobbing. Seeing him outside of the infirmary, where he should be, was one of the most emotional experiences I've ever had in my life. From that moment on (with a brief kleenex break) we sat and talked...and talked and talked and talked. Marie and I brought the table down from the patio so we didn't have to move him up the stairs and had dinner outside. Once we were done eating, we made our way down to the water where the team was having mass and listened in. Michelle, Ryan and I sat in the back and arrived just in time to hear kids share their experiences from the day. As I was listening and hearing teenagers talk about their lives being changed, looking over and seeing Ryan, Michelle and the ocean I had my first full-body "wow" moment of this summer. One person shared about Ryan and how much they wished they could be more like him with his faith and attitude. Things are really put into perspective when you meet people every day that have no complaints, only gratitude for what they do have in their lives. I can't imagine where I'd be without these people in my life and am so grateful to have them to remind me that we're surrounded by blessings if we'd only open our eyes.
After mass, Ryan gave his speech. He was really nervous and had me sit up next to him, which was unnecessary after hearing him talk! It was hands-down one of the best talks I've ever heard with a group. He's so open to answering questions and has such a straight forward way of dealing with anything that everybody was interested in what he had to say. He shared the story of how he was injured and what it was like growing up. He shared details about living in the infirmary and his faith. Last summer, I would go sit with Ryan and he would ask me questions about what it means to be a Christian. He didn't have a Bible or read scripture and really didn't have as much interest in getting involved with any kind of faith as he did learning about it. Today, during his speech, people were asking what his wants and needs were. His answer was, "What I want would be a touch phone, games for wii, movies and to get out of the infirmary, but the only thing that I need is the Lord." As part of his story, he shared that the second time he went to the infirmary it was as a choice. Somebody asked if he ever regretted that decision and his answer was, "I know that everybody has a plan and its for a reason... if I didn't come back here I wouldn't have ever met Katie or any of these nice groups, but now that I know Katie I want to get out." After wiping the tears that were pouring down my face, I realized how much he thinks he's gained from us and I don't think he has any idea what I've gained from him. I talked to him later and he explained that he knows he has a path and a plan. He knows that God has him where he is for a reason and he knows he's supposed to help people in his situation later in his life. I can't wait to see him continue to grow and witness his accomplishments.
The evening continued with conversations that could have gone on forever. We went to the other villas and had numerous people coming up to tell him how inspirational he is and even more people giving him any snacks they could find (after his description of the infirmary food) and trying to gather ideas in order to help him. I can only pray that he really will be out of there for good some day and when it does happen, I'll be there to give him a hug and welcome him to a new beginning.
We took Ryan back to the infirmary and I was excited to see Donovan and Dolores sitting in the front of the women's ward. It was dark and they couldn't recognize me at first but I wheeled Ryan over and after handing him a plate we'd made him at dinner he realized who I was. There was only more happiness when I saw that big beautiful smile of Donovan's and he reached his arms around my head to plant a kiss on my cheek. Dolores followed with big smiles and hugs. I was telling Ryan earlier that I can't believe the way things have changed and I went from avoiding the infirmary to trying to be there any chance I have. It's days like today that I realize the simplicity of happiness and it certainly can't be measured by how much you own.
What an unbelievable couple of days. We started work yesterday and I was placed at "Donna's house." This is really a group of houses where Miss Donna lives, along with her relatives and children. I still don't know the entire background of the people but they're all suffering from some kind of disability. Our job was to paint her house blue and paint another, much larger house, green. IsleGo has been working with Donna's compound for years but this was the first time I'd ever had the opportunity to be there. After driving through de bush we arrived and I immediately saw Elise coming through the walkway. We unloaded the bus and realized we brought water paint instead of oil paint. This meant we would be left with only two gallons of green paint and a whole lot of time before the paint would be exchanged. When I'm saying "houses" I really mean "shelters" and when I say "compound" I mean "many shelters put in a common area in the middle of the forest." Some of the houses were made out of pieces of wood (all shapes and sizes) nailed together with pieces of metal thrown over the top for the roof. There are all sorts of animals running around... including but not limited to: dogs with their puppies, cats with their kittens, chickens/roosters/chicks and you can't forget the babies! Some of the sweetest kids I've ever met are at this site and are all desperate for attention and love. Their shower was made in the back of the house out of pieces of sheet metal with linoleum laid over cement for the floor and a hose that could be attached to a tap. They also attached pieces of a mirror next to the faucet... unbelievable innovation. Without any kind of garbage service, the garbage in their area needs to be burned. Their burn pile was about a yard away from one of the houses and constantly blowing through the windows.
It didn't take long to use up the paint we had available, which meant time with the kids. We played some duck, duck goose, ring around the rosie and colored pictures. I stepped back at one point and saw three of the biggest, strongest, football-playing high schoolers I've ever seen running around with kids on their shoulders. These kids are wearing clothes that barely fit them, only one little boy was wearing shoes, the only toys in sight were the bright colored bubbles and nerf balls brought by the team and there wasn't one individual on the entire field that didn't have a gigantic smile plastered on their face. The majority of kids I've had a chance to be around on this island have little to no father or adult male influence and just seeing this interaction gave me a world of hope for these kids.
Today...
Today started great and ended at a point where my heart couldn't have possibly reached a better place. Not only did we have festival & fritters for breakfast but it was patty day. Aside from food, I can't even explain the bond that has grown between myself and Dorrett, Alma and Melva in the kitchen. I wake up in the morning and genuinely look forward to seeing Dorrett's smiling face and hearing her respond "I AM BLESSED" when I ask her how she is in the morning. I have grown the closest with Dorrett but each of them has something so genuine about them that I can't help but love them. Today I was going to the Bright Beginners graduation so I told them that's where I was headed in the afternoon. At the end of the day, they asked for every detail as to how my day was and remembered the smallest details of what I'd previously told them. Later on, Dorrett asked whether or not I liked fish. I told her that I was sure the team would be happy with the fish she was making and she stopped me and said, "no, Katie. I asked if YOU liked fish because if YOU don't like fish I'm not going to make it." It's always nice to have somebody to talk to but it's entirely different when you meet people that you share a mutual unconditional love with.
Bright Beginner's graduation was adorable. This year they only had 5 graduating but still had a full ceremony and very enthusiastic parents! We didn't get started until an hour after the start-time but I was able to sit and play with a sweet little girl who could not have been more proud of her beautiful, twirly dress and heels. The kids all recited poems, songs and accepted their awards for various accomplishments. It's hard to believe that Cynthia is the same person that I met a few years ago after all of the things she's been through. After talking to her for a few minutes today, her one consistent statement was, "I still have hope."
On the ride home, I knew Ryan was supposed to be at the villas but wasn't sure if he'd confirmed with anybody in terms of a ride. I haven't seen him yet and have been feeling like I've neglected him. When we pulled in my heart started racing out of the possibility of him being there. Over the past year or so, Ryan has become a brother to me. We immediately connected and I've felt a connection with him from the day we met... he is one of the most curious, brilliant and inspiring people I've ever met and to say that he's a friend would be an understatement. For anybody that doesn't know, Ryan is 23 and living in the infirmary in Priory, JA because he is paralyzed from the waist down. The infirmary is filled with (mostly) elderly people with illnesses, no family, deformities, mental illnesses and essentially no hope. We've called it the drop off for the unwanted and today I heard a different term that was essentially saying "your time is up." The fact that he's living there is devastating but to know the kind of potential he has with the right care is even more upsetting.
When we pulled into the villas I saw my group from Miramar pushing his wheelchair down to the villas as we passed. We had to park at the other villas, so I immediately got off of the bus and ran (in my skirt and little wedges) down to Miramar. Trying to play it cool, I slowed down by the entrance and could see him looking down at pictures with the team surrounding him. They all opened a space and turned his chair to face me before I heard somebody say, "Ryan, look who's back." I had absolutely no idea how emotionally invested I've been in his life but for some reason when I saw him and his face light up, I gave him a big hug and started sobbing. Seeing him outside of the infirmary, where he should be, was one of the most emotional experiences I've ever had in my life. From that moment on (with a brief kleenex break) we sat and talked...and talked and talked and talked. Marie and I brought the table down from the patio so we didn't have to move him up the stairs and had dinner outside. Once we were done eating, we made our way down to the water where the team was having mass and listened in. Michelle, Ryan and I sat in the back and arrived just in time to hear kids share their experiences from the day. As I was listening and hearing teenagers talk about their lives being changed, looking over and seeing Ryan, Michelle and the ocean I had my first full-body "wow" moment of this summer. One person shared about Ryan and how much they wished they could be more like him with his faith and attitude. Things are really put into perspective when you meet people every day that have no complaints, only gratitude for what they do have in their lives. I can't imagine where I'd be without these people in my life and am so grateful to have them to remind me that we're surrounded by blessings if we'd only open our eyes.
After mass, Ryan gave his speech. He was really nervous and had me sit up next to him, which was unnecessary after hearing him talk! It was hands-down one of the best talks I've ever heard with a group. He's so open to answering questions and has such a straight forward way of dealing with anything that everybody was interested in what he had to say. He shared the story of how he was injured and what it was like growing up. He shared details about living in the infirmary and his faith. Last summer, I would go sit with Ryan and he would ask me questions about what it means to be a Christian. He didn't have a Bible or read scripture and really didn't have as much interest in getting involved with any kind of faith as he did learning about it. Today, during his speech, people were asking what his wants and needs were. His answer was, "What I want would be a touch phone, games for wii, movies and to get out of the infirmary, but the only thing that I need is the Lord." As part of his story, he shared that the second time he went to the infirmary it was as a choice. Somebody asked if he ever regretted that decision and his answer was, "I know that everybody has a plan and its for a reason... if I didn't come back here I wouldn't have ever met Katie or any of these nice groups, but now that I know Katie I want to get out." After wiping the tears that were pouring down my face, I realized how much he thinks he's gained from us and I don't think he has any idea what I've gained from him. I talked to him later and he explained that he knows he has a path and a plan. He knows that God has him where he is for a reason and he knows he's supposed to help people in his situation later in his life. I can't wait to see him continue to grow and witness his accomplishments.
The evening continued with conversations that could have gone on forever. We went to the other villas and had numerous people coming up to tell him how inspirational he is and even more people giving him any snacks they could find (after his description of the infirmary food) and trying to gather ideas in order to help him. I can only pray that he really will be out of there for good some day and when it does happen, I'll be there to give him a hug and welcome him to a new beginning.
We took Ryan back to the infirmary and I was excited to see Donovan and Dolores sitting in the front of the women's ward. It was dark and they couldn't recognize me at first but I wheeled Ryan over and after handing him a plate we'd made him at dinner he realized who I was. There was only more happiness when I saw that big beautiful smile of Donovan's and he reached his arms around my head to plant a kiss on my cheek. Dolores followed with big smiles and hugs. I was telling Ryan earlier that I can't believe the way things have changed and I went from avoiding the infirmary to trying to be there any chance I have. It's days like today that I realize the simplicity of happiness and it certainly can't be measured by how much you own.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
They made it!
Today was arrival day for the work teams and is always one of my favorite days. I love to meet the teams for the first time, see where they're from, show them around and see their fresh excitement. Every time I come back to Jamaica, I pray for my eyes to be opened as if I'm seeing everything for the first time. I never want to find myself in the habit of seeing devastating living situations or chronically ill babies and looking at it as if it's normal. It may be hard to understand, but I want to forever have my heart broken when I see starving children or families without a roof over their head. When you come somewhere for so many years, it's easy to fall into that "going through the motions" attitude. This morning I woke up and prayed to have my heart broken the way His is broken when he sees these things. I'm reading a book, Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado and keep playing an analogy he provided over and over in my head.
He talked about how we all have a nice clam shell around us where we have everything we need right in our nice little shell. As soon as the shell is disturbed by seeing a homeless person, somebody paying with food stamps or hearing about the results of a mission team in Africa... our clam shell's quietly close their doors. We all have a shell and are all guilty of it to a certain level but I think that in the United States we all come with a clam shell and some even provide some for our kids who may go on all of their lives without knowing that they are needed more badly than they could ever imagine to help save and change lives. As I was reading this book I also realized that the underlying happiness and overwhelming joy that is felt here on the island isn't only from the love that is given and the lives that are changed. It's not from the people I see and consider family, those things are all factors that make me undeniably full of joy. The euphoria, however, comes from all of these shells breaking down and opening up, which is what begins to happen for these teams on the first day. All if these high-schoolers are letting down the only social defense they've ever had... their guard... and letting others in while they give back love. It's seeing large groups teenagers gather together without preconceived notions, no judgments, welcoming attitudes and it's all coming together in preparation for the week ahead of us. Monday is another one of my favorite days because they will be going out to the work sites and seeing the reality of Jamaica for the first time.
Anyways, after that tangent... I woke up, Chelle & Corinne made breakfast (fresh pineapple included) and we had a nap and morning by the pool planned for the day. I'm not entirely sure where the day went but I can tell you that as soon as I had my suit on and was stepping in to the pool, a bus rolled up. The first team arrived around 1:00 and was the team I'll be in charge of up at Mirmar. There is nothing that makes my blood pump like working with a new team. I love everything about it... from room assignments to showing them around to answering questions to being with them on the worksites to staying in touch and seeing what God's doing with them. I absolutely love it. Today I walked up to make sure everyone found their rooms and peeked into the kitchen where I found Dorette. As usual, there is no way of explaining how full my heart was after seeing her! She turned around slowly, asked if it was a ghost and then fully turned around yelling "my baby is back my baby is back! I am blessed, I am blessed!" I am so grateful that God has put her into my life... if it's not for anything else it's for me to see what it's like to be with a woman who is grateful for everything she has! I talked to her the day after a family member was in a car accident and when I asked how she was doing, her response was "I am blessed." Her happiness, silliness, constant laughter and personality are irreplaceable. She is my Jamaican mama. The same routine followed when I saw Alma from a distance and she squinted over her glasses before saying "is that katie?" and squeeling before wrapping her arms around me. I'm always in disbelief when I go to the first debrief at the end of the day and compare it to the last night where we hear over and over "I thought I was coming here to give and had no idea I'd be the one taking anything away." The teams continued to arrive throughout the day and once their rooms were found, I hid under a coconut tree to read. I'm finally starting to feel like the cobwebs are clearing out of my brain and I am really excited about working tomorrow.
The day ended dinner and orientation in St. Ann's bay followed by a shower and an immediate face-to-bed maneuver.. Good night! xx
He talked about how we all have a nice clam shell around us where we have everything we need right in our nice little shell. As soon as the shell is disturbed by seeing a homeless person, somebody paying with food stamps or hearing about the results of a mission team in Africa... our clam shell's quietly close their doors. We all have a shell and are all guilty of it to a certain level but I think that in the United States we all come with a clam shell and some even provide some for our kids who may go on all of their lives without knowing that they are needed more badly than they could ever imagine to help save and change lives. As I was reading this book I also realized that the underlying happiness and overwhelming joy that is felt here on the island isn't only from the love that is given and the lives that are changed. It's not from the people I see and consider family, those things are all factors that make me undeniably full of joy. The euphoria, however, comes from all of these shells breaking down and opening up, which is what begins to happen for these teams on the first day. All if these high-schoolers are letting down the only social defense they've ever had... their guard... and letting others in while they give back love. It's seeing large groups teenagers gather together without preconceived notions, no judgments, welcoming attitudes and it's all coming together in preparation for the week ahead of us. Monday is another one of my favorite days because they will be going out to the work sites and seeing the reality of Jamaica for the first time.
Anyways, after that tangent... I woke up, Chelle & Corinne made breakfast (fresh pineapple included) and we had a nap and morning by the pool planned for the day. I'm not entirely sure where the day went but I can tell you that as soon as I had my suit on and was stepping in to the pool, a bus rolled up. The first team arrived around 1:00 and was the team I'll be in charge of up at Mirmar. There is nothing that makes my blood pump like working with a new team. I love everything about it... from room assignments to showing them around to answering questions to being with them on the worksites to staying in touch and seeing what God's doing with them. I absolutely love it. Today I walked up to make sure everyone found their rooms and peeked into the kitchen where I found Dorette. As usual, there is no way of explaining how full my heart was after seeing her! She turned around slowly, asked if it was a ghost and then fully turned around yelling "my baby is back my baby is back! I am blessed, I am blessed!" I am so grateful that God has put her into my life... if it's not for anything else it's for me to see what it's like to be with a woman who is grateful for everything she has! I talked to her the day after a family member was in a car accident and when I asked how she was doing, her response was "I am blessed." Her happiness, silliness, constant laughter and personality are irreplaceable. She is my Jamaican mama. The same routine followed when I saw Alma from a distance and she squinted over her glasses before saying "is that katie?" and squeeling before wrapping her arms around me. I'm always in disbelief when I go to the first debrief at the end of the day and compare it to the last night where we hear over and over "I thought I was coming here to give and had no idea I'd be the one taking anything away." The teams continued to arrive throughout the day and once their rooms were found, I hid under a coconut tree to read. I'm finally starting to feel like the cobwebs are clearing out of my brain and I am really excited about working tomorrow.
The day ended dinner and orientation in St. Ann's bay followed by a shower and an immediate face-to-bed maneuver.. Good night! xx
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Back on de island
If you know me, you know that Jamaica is my absolute favorite place in the world. My heart and soul are in love with this island, the people, the culture and every ounce of the work that I've had the opportunity to be a part of. I have people here that I consider family and kids that I would take home as my own. I generally spend the time away from Jamaica wishing I was here and while I'm here, I'm usually trying to figure out a way to stay forever. Jamaica has been my heart's home since my first visit and I can safely say that it will be a part of my life forever. With that being said, I have to be honest and admit that this is the first time I have ever had any kind of breakdown before making my way here. I'm at a point in my life where I just finished school and have loans to pay off without a job lined up, I'm in the happiest, healthiest, most amazing relationship I've ever been in and I'm the maid of honor in my sister's wedding, which is the weekend after I leave here. I left home feeling like I was walking away neglecting my finances, leaving somebody that I love and like the absolute worst sister and maid of honor in the world. Believe me when I say I am not writing this as a sob story and am certainly not asking to throw a pity party (unless there's chocolate involved) but getting here today was my first challenging journey to the island. After shedding a few tears (okay, way more than a few) a few hours of sleep and some deep breathing, I made it.
Our flight arrived around 9:45 this morning and customs was completely empty. I was on a flight with Kendall & Nick who will be facilitating this week, as well as 27 kids that were all with IsleGo. Mikey picked them up and I waited with Dalton for Chelle, Ralph & JC to arrive. Even after stepping off of the plane I started to feel my smile start to grow and seeing these people just made me explode with excitement. I haven't had the chance to spend time with Dalton since 2009 and was excited beyond words to spend some time with him. He gave me a tour of the new Montego Bay, which was unreal. There are gigantic shopping markets, general stores, movie theaters and even a chinese food restaurant. I remember the days that we didn't even have paved roads....they're advancing quickly! We stopped and he surprised me with some "i scream" also known as: ice cream. It's always special to have one on one time with somebody because they have so much to share that wouldn't be heard with other people around.
The rest of the day was spent back at the villas catching up with Dusty & Corinne. Dusty and I went into town to visit a house that burned down and we'll be rebuilding this week. It's always so refreshing to meet up with these friends and no matter how much time has passed, we can pick up right where we left off. I am blessed with the people I have in my life all around the world. The day ended with dinner at Passage to India where I got my one Indian meal in for the year. I've been in a bit of a daze after traveling from Hawaii to Arizona to Jamaica and will be working on catching up with sleep and turning my brain back on! I fell asleep writing last night but we've been up this morning for breakfast & meetings to get organized for the teams that are coming in today. This week we'll have teams working on building the community center at Seville, painting the church wall in St. Ann's, rebuilding houses, painting in Exchange and food baskets/infirmary visits and I'm sure multiple other projects that we haven't planned for!
Our flight arrived around 9:45 this morning and customs was completely empty. I was on a flight with Kendall & Nick who will be facilitating this week, as well as 27 kids that were all with IsleGo. Mikey picked them up and I waited with Dalton for Chelle, Ralph & JC to arrive. Even after stepping off of the plane I started to feel my smile start to grow and seeing these people just made me explode with excitement. I haven't had the chance to spend time with Dalton since 2009 and was excited beyond words to spend some time with him. He gave me a tour of the new Montego Bay, which was unreal. There are gigantic shopping markets, general stores, movie theaters and even a chinese food restaurant. I remember the days that we didn't even have paved roads....they're advancing quickly! We stopped and he surprised me with some "i scream" also known as: ice cream. It's always special to have one on one time with somebody because they have so much to share that wouldn't be heard with other people around.
The rest of the day was spent back at the villas catching up with Dusty & Corinne. Dusty and I went into town to visit a house that burned down and we'll be rebuilding this week. It's always so refreshing to meet up with these friends and no matter how much time has passed, we can pick up right where we left off. I am blessed with the people I have in my life all around the world. The day ended with dinner at Passage to India where I got my one Indian meal in for the year. I've been in a bit of a daze after traveling from Hawaii to Arizona to Jamaica and will be working on catching up with sleep and turning my brain back on! I fell asleep writing last night but we've been up this morning for breakfast & meetings to get organized for the teams that are coming in today. This week we'll have teams working on building the community center at Seville, painting the church wall in St. Ann's, rebuilding houses, painting in Exchange and food baskets/infirmary visits and I'm sure multiple other projects that we haven't planned for!
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