"Are we in love with God or just His stuff? Imagine how awful it would feel to have your child say to you, 'I don't really love you or want your love, but I would like my allowance please.' Conversely, what a beautiful gift it is to have the one you love look at you in the eye and say, 'I love you. Not your beauty, your money, your family or your car. Just you." -Francis Chan in Crazy Love
One of the many reasons I appreciate my time in Jamaica so much is that I have a tendency to build up a wall around me. I think we all do that to an extent, but my wall can be so thick that even if I know there's something that I need to hear or change...I walk away from it in order to go on living my life as it is. God knows about these stubborn tendencies and knows that I'm a much better listener when I'm pulled out of my carefree life and brought to my favorite place in the world to solely focus on Him. I've been doing quite a bit of reading and I'm finding that He keeps revealing the same message: if you don't focus your life on God, His love and His plan, you will find yourself making the other things in your life your personal earthly gods. When you do this, you will ALWAYS fall short. We end up finding ourselves working so hard for approval from others and believing that we're inadequate that we forget that we already have infinite grace. Guess what. You will never be good enough in the world's eyes... no matter how pretty you are, how much money you have, how much good you do, there will always be criticism from the world. Our idea of success is generally based on our income or our social status but what we don't always realize is what we're missing. Here, nothing is missing for me. My heart is whole, my walls are down and I see purpose. The people I meet are here to love, and to love with every ounce of their heart without holding back. The people we're loving show unconditional love in return. Nobody is holding out their scars or hiding behind a heartbreak from the past...we're just people helping people and everything makes sense. People aren't doing things to receive credit... they're helping because that's what they've been called to do. At a debrief the other night, Kendall said something that I've been constantly repeating to myself. She was talking about how blessed her and Nick have been and discussed a conversation she was having with God when she heard him say, "Kendall, I've given you your house, your job, your finances and everything that you have. Now what are you going to do in return?" In our society, when we are blessed we gain pride and arrogance rather than gaining gratitude and faith. People may say, "I've worked hard for my money and I want to spend it on what I want" when really, God's given you the ability and means to make the money and it should be used in the way that He wants. It's Gods money, you're managing it. There's always the exception of the lazy person that needs to get up and do something with themselves, but in general I think we need to change our way of thinking. As I was reading Crazy Love, I learned that "If one hundred people represented the world's population, fifty-three of those would live on less than $2 a day. Do you realize that if you make $4000 a month, you automatically make one hundred times more than the average person on the planet?" Most of these people are born into poverty, and breaking the cycle is out of the realm of possibility for them. This is where I've been able to see the most faithful people that I have ever met in my life because Jesus isn't all you need until He's all you have. God has shown me that prosperity hardens the heart and too many of us are "okay" going a day without acknowledging God...who has provided it all. Who needs God when they have "earned" everything that they need and more!? It's hard for God to really reveal himself to you if you think you have earned what you have, unless He takes you to a place where you feel alone and need Him. It's happened before and will probably happen again but I pray that I am rock solid in my faith the next time I do reach a dark place in my life or lose somebody I love because without faith, nothing makes sense. I have a long way to go until I reach and feel the reality of what He's been showing me, but each day brings a new lesson as I see the utter joy in these people who have nothing other than God.
Whew, sorry for the preaching session... I started and couldn't stop! The rest of last week was nothing short of unbelievable. Every day we saw miracles and found inspiration everywhere we went. The house spent every morning working on the house and every afternoon doing VBS with the kids at Windsor. Every day Mr. Willie showed more and more gratitude for his new house. One day, Nick shared that he was opening and shutting the doors over and over. Something as simple as a door is such a luxury that Mr. Willie couldn't believe that he was having doors on his house for the first time. I sit in disbelief when I see people like Mr. Willie thanking God for building him a house. This house is a 10x14, 1 room shelter. They don't get a bathroom or shower and unless the team has provided excess funds, they still won't have a bed. I need to spend at least 10 minutes every day by myself or I'll go insane...some of these houses put a roof over the heads of entire families that sleep on top of each other but are grateful for what they have. On the last day, Mr. Willie sat in the doorway jingling his keys with a big grin on his face while the team tried to organize a picture around him. Every time we'd walk around the area for VBS, we'd find him doing something else for the house. He was using every piece of scrap wood he could find to put shelves on a little beat-up dresser he had and used a nail to hang up his only jacket and hat on the wall.
At the end of last week, I went with Uncle to find the next houses that would be built. On Wednesday night we all talked and I prayed that we would be led to the people that are in desperate need for a house. It's hard because the need here is so relative and while there are SO many people in need, there are also mothers making a bed out of leaves under a tree for their children to sleep on at night. Uncle and I walked through Steertown and prayers were answered when we landed on Tina's doorstep. Tina is a young mother of 6 that I met last summer when she introduced herself as I was taking information for the sponsorship program. She gave me a torn, battered picture of her family and was begging for help. They'd lost their house in a fire and she felt no hope. I've been carrying her picture around for a year and haven't seen her since. She squinted and yelled my name, I pulled my glasses up and yelled her name and we were reunited. There are some people that have been put in my life and I know that they're there for a reason, but on many occasions never get to see the reason. With Tina, it was such a blessing to be back with her and meet her kids. They've been living in the same house that had the fire, 7 of them on 2 twin beds. Her kids ran up and hugged me as if I'd known them for years and her son asked "mom, this is katie?! she didn't forget us." Wow. While we were praying for God to lead us to somebody, she was praying for my return in desperation for a house for her family. I'd only spent a total of probably 20 minutes with Tina last year and for whatever reason, she saw our relationship as hope. God used that as an obvious answer to her prayer so that He would get the glory. I sooooo love being along for this ride.
Later that day, we'd seen the different houses and our decision wasn't settling right with me. I knew that there was somebody out there that was on their knees looking for mercy...and there was. When we went up to Windsor for VBS on Thursday, I met Melissa. Dusty has known Melissa for most of her life but I hadn't met her before now. Melissa is 29 years old and has been through more in her short life than most have lived through at the age of 100, yet is glowing with happiness. She came to me begging for help for a friend, Cheryl, who has been living in a dangerous part of town on her sisters floor, with her kids. Cheryl was living with her kids and their father, who was physically beating her to death. She believed that it was important for the kids to be living with their dad, so she put up with it. I haven't yet learned her entire story but she eventually left him to stay on the floor of this place where she and the kids are hearing gunshots every night. When Melissa called her to tell her I was willing to talk to her, I heard her scream "praise Jesus!" Cheryl started running from Steertown to Windsor for the hope of survival, safety and security for her kids. After multiple phone calls and no taxi's on the way...we ended up having to leave before I could talk to her. I told Melissa to keep praying and I'd do the same. A big part of me was afraid to even come back and talk to anybody about Cheryl's need because I was afraid to hear "no." We'd just talked about eliminating anybody except for elderly people that couldn't build on their own and my heart was so set on Cheryl, I couldn't bear to think about her going back to her feeling of hopelessness. It's funny how if it's God's plan, there's nothing to worry about... He had everything under control and I had the blessing of calling Melissa that night to tell her that Cheryl was going to be able to sleep at night by the end of next week. Cheryl fell to her knees as she cried and gave all of her thanks to the "fada up above."
The week ended with a day of tubing down white river and some relaxation time before the next team came in. I'm so excited to be working with Terry and her team again this year. She has the ability to guide these kids in a way that I've never seen before. I'm excited to see what happens this week with Cheryl, St. Josephs and the lives that are touched!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Monday
I don't even know where to begin! I wish I was better about blogging every day because the past few days have been filled to the seams with things I want to share but will likely forget to include.
On Monday morning we woke up for devotional, breakfast and the blessing of the hands. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last blog but Blackwelder raised the funds to build a house for somebody. None of us had met the man we were building the house for, but to give you an idea of how he was living... he surpassed a waiting list of over 400 people in order to have a house built for him after his condition was brought to IsleGo's attention only three weeks ago. Mr Williams (Willie) is a 74 year old angel with no teeth, two pairs of shoes, a rusty sheet of metal for a bed, a dream of a carrot farm and a heart for the Lord. Oh, and some pieces of zinc thrown together with a tarp to call home. When I approached Mr. Willie to introduce myself, he was standing and looking at the commotion of "whitey's" that had come to his little piece of land in their tiny village to build a home. A real sturdy home with doors and windows... for him. Since I've known him (all three days), he's worn a look of shock on his face as if he'd performed a miracle through praying for a house and it was evident upon our first meeting that we were exactly where we were supposed to be. You could almost hear the angels partying.
Once I started talking to Mr. Willie, he wanted to make sure that I knew he never asks for anything. He doesn't ask for food, money or help because he has faith that the Lord will provide. When I smiled, he saw the approval and immediately wanted reveal more detail. He told me about how he's trying to plant a garden so he can eat from his own plants and is trying to start growing carrots. He then led me to his "house" where he showed me a can of carrots. He wanted to prove to me that he wasn't making up a story and even showed me the inside of where he's been living, all with a cheerful spirit and abundant pride. There's no way anybody could understand how adorable this man really is without meeting him, but I can't stop thinking about what a blessing it's been to spend time with him this week. When the team started construction, they realized that they didn't have any source for power and would need to ask somebody up the hill if they could use their current. Mr. Willie (who is pretty quiet and doesn't seem to feel comfortable asking for help) was asked to go ask the woman for power. He acted like I would have in middle school if I was afraid to ask my mom if I could do something that I knew she'd say no. He got ready to walk up the hill on a mission. He took off his flip flops and slipped into his new hiking shoes as he looked at me to tell me how much he loved them. Similarly to our reputation being brought down if teams act a certain way throughout a week, if one person gives somebody something they think we all gave it to them. Not sure if you'd heard but all white people are the same and since Jim gave Mr. Willie his shoes last week, Mr Willie had to thank me. He went all the way up to ask the lady, walked all the way down to tell Nattie that the lady was going to make him pay and walked all the way back up to pay her before coming back, changing back into his flip flops and sitting back down. The whole process took nearly 30 minutes and each time they failed at finding a power source, everybody would laugh hysterically before going to the next option. I'm readopting the Jamaica no problem, irie state of mind and it was very much missed.
Along with having the opportunity to be a part of this miracle, we've also been working in Windsor- an area that I spent time in a few years ago. I had very close friendships and a heart for the people up there, specifically two little girls named Kayauna and Shanique. Kayauna was an infant at the time and spent every day for multiple weeks cuddled up in my arms. I would feed her pineapple juice out of an old bottle with a needle-sized hole in the nipple, which was the only option if she was going to get anything in her belly. Shanique was a 9 year old girl that had a physical brightness about her. She was one of the few little girls that had goals and the ambition needed to reach them. She used to take me to her house to show me her puppies and ask questions about school and life. She would come find me every day so I could go pray for an older man, Johnny, because he was sick and she wanted to see him heal. We grew closer over the weeks and before I left, she asked me to be her godmother. I'd lost touch with Shanique but have saved all of her letters and pictures she'd drawn for me. After that summer, I stayed in touch with Kayauna's mom and the last time I talked to her she told me that Kayauna was sick and they didn't know if she was going to make it. After losing touch with them, we also stopped working in Windsor and I truly believed I'd never see them again.
When the team started building the house, I asked Nattie if she knew of a little girl named Kayauna. After thinking for a second she smiled and pointed to a happy, healthy 3 year old girl running around with a soccer ball. This will sound strange and possibly disturbing, but I felt like I could relate to fathers that went to see their child for the first time...but knowing that the child doesn't know who they are. I was so emotionally invested in thoughts and prayer for Kayauna and to see her there, alive and well, three years later was almost too much to handle. Hiding the tears from Nattie, I continued asking about people in town and found out Shanique was still around. That afternoon we went to VBS and when somebody found out who I was, they yelled over to Kayauna's mom and said "Kayauna's godmother is here," to which she responded, "Kaidie, is it really you?!" I was never very close to Kayauna's mom (she was in my phone as Kayauna Mama, if that tells you anything) but I really believe that that little girl was brought into my life for a reason. After VBS I heard a sweet little hello and turned around to see a gorgeous young woman standing in front of me. Shanique, although she's gone through puberty and is no longer a little girl, still has the same sweetness about her. She is proper, aware and brilliant but I know that the girl can handle her own. Her dad is working in Canada to make money and she wants to be an endocrinologist... in Windsor the girls gain status by being intimidating and acting 10 years older than they are. If she does take criticism, I can see a side of her that says she's been around long enough to stand up for herself and do what she has to do to get by. After seeing Shanique, I felt a little bit of parental-type pride just hearing her talk about the goals she still has for herself. I am so proud of who she's become and can't wait to see her continue to grow.
On Monday morning we woke up for devotional, breakfast and the blessing of the hands. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last blog but Blackwelder raised the funds to build a house for somebody. None of us had met the man we were building the house for, but to give you an idea of how he was living... he surpassed a waiting list of over 400 people in order to have a house built for him after his condition was brought to IsleGo's attention only three weeks ago. Mr Williams (Willie) is a 74 year old angel with no teeth, two pairs of shoes, a rusty sheet of metal for a bed, a dream of a carrot farm and a heart for the Lord. Oh, and some pieces of zinc thrown together with a tarp to call home. When I approached Mr. Willie to introduce myself, he was standing and looking at the commotion of "whitey's" that had come to his little piece of land in their tiny village to build a home. A real sturdy home with doors and windows... for him. Since I've known him (all three days), he's worn a look of shock on his face as if he'd performed a miracle through praying for a house and it was evident upon our first meeting that we were exactly where we were supposed to be. You could almost hear the angels partying.
Once I started talking to Mr. Willie, he wanted to make sure that I knew he never asks for anything. He doesn't ask for food, money or help because he has faith that the Lord will provide. When I smiled, he saw the approval and immediately wanted reveal more detail. He told me about how he's trying to plant a garden so he can eat from his own plants and is trying to start growing carrots. He then led me to his "house" where he showed me a can of carrots. He wanted to prove to me that he wasn't making up a story and even showed me the inside of where he's been living, all with a cheerful spirit and abundant pride. There's no way anybody could understand how adorable this man really is without meeting him, but I can't stop thinking about what a blessing it's been to spend time with him this week. When the team started construction, they realized that they didn't have any source for power and would need to ask somebody up the hill if they could use their current. Mr. Willie (who is pretty quiet and doesn't seem to feel comfortable asking for help) was asked to go ask the woman for power. He acted like I would have in middle school if I was afraid to ask my mom if I could do something that I knew she'd say no. He got ready to walk up the hill on a mission. He took off his flip flops and slipped into his new hiking shoes as he looked at me to tell me how much he loved them. Similarly to our reputation being brought down if teams act a certain way throughout a week, if one person gives somebody something they think we all gave it to them. Not sure if you'd heard but all white people are the same and since Jim gave Mr. Willie his shoes last week, Mr Willie had to thank me. He went all the way up to ask the lady, walked all the way down to tell Nattie that the lady was going to make him pay and walked all the way back up to pay her before coming back, changing back into his flip flops and sitting back down. The whole process took nearly 30 minutes and each time they failed at finding a power source, everybody would laugh hysterically before going to the next option. I'm readopting the Jamaica no problem, irie state of mind and it was very much missed.
Along with having the opportunity to be a part of this miracle, we've also been working in Windsor- an area that I spent time in a few years ago. I had very close friendships and a heart for the people up there, specifically two little girls named Kayauna and Shanique. Kayauna was an infant at the time and spent every day for multiple weeks cuddled up in my arms. I would feed her pineapple juice out of an old bottle with a needle-sized hole in the nipple, which was the only option if she was going to get anything in her belly. Shanique was a 9 year old girl that had a physical brightness about her. She was one of the few little girls that had goals and the ambition needed to reach them. She used to take me to her house to show me her puppies and ask questions about school and life. She would come find me every day so I could go pray for an older man, Johnny, because he was sick and she wanted to see him heal. We grew closer over the weeks and before I left, she asked me to be her godmother. I'd lost touch with Shanique but have saved all of her letters and pictures she'd drawn for me. After that summer, I stayed in touch with Kayauna's mom and the last time I talked to her she told me that Kayauna was sick and they didn't know if she was going to make it. After losing touch with them, we also stopped working in Windsor and I truly believed I'd never see them again.
When the team started building the house, I asked Nattie if she knew of a little girl named Kayauna. After thinking for a second she smiled and pointed to a happy, healthy 3 year old girl running around with a soccer ball. This will sound strange and possibly disturbing, but I felt like I could relate to fathers that went to see their child for the first time...but knowing that the child doesn't know who they are. I was so emotionally invested in thoughts and prayer for Kayauna and to see her there, alive and well, three years later was almost too much to handle. Hiding the tears from Nattie, I continued asking about people in town and found out Shanique was still around. That afternoon we went to VBS and when somebody found out who I was, they yelled over to Kayauna's mom and said "Kayauna's godmother is here," to which she responded, "Kaidie, is it really you?!" I was never very close to Kayauna's mom (she was in my phone as Kayauna Mama, if that tells you anything) but I really believe that that little girl was brought into my life for a reason. After VBS I heard a sweet little hello and turned around to see a gorgeous young woman standing in front of me. Shanique, although she's gone through puberty and is no longer a little girl, still has the same sweetness about her. She is proper, aware and brilliant but I know that the girl can handle her own. Her dad is working in Canada to make money and she wants to be an endocrinologist... in Windsor the girls gain status by being intimidating and acting 10 years older than they are. If she does take criticism, I can see a side of her that says she's been around long enough to stand up for herself and do what she has to do to get by. After seeing Shanique, I felt a little bit of parental-type pride just hearing her talk about the goals she still has for herself. I am so proud of who she's become and can't wait to see her continue to grow.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Compassion
Lets look at the hurting until we hurt with them. No hurrying past, turning away, or shifting of eyes. No pretending or glossing over. Let's look at the face until we see the person. - Max Lucado in Out Live Your Life
This thought has really stuck with me as I've worked with American teams coming to third world countries as missionaries and Max Lucado has put my feelings into words. It's so easy, especially in our society, to shut your mind off to the possibility of helping or healing. How often do we turn the opposite direction if we see a homeless person asking for money or food? What about paying a visit to the parentless kids in your community? Too dangerous? Too dirty? My favorite part of being involved with missions is being able to see God work in peoples' lives. When people are here (myself included), our purpose is to show love. It may be through evangelism, spending time with kids, building a house for a family, supporting children and their education or just offering a listening ear. Regardless of how we're doing it, we're here to make sure that when we leave... these people know that they matter. What ends up happening is something unexpected and even terrifying for these giving souls: their life is changed. Who would have ever imagined that through giving, you are the one that's receiving the gift. More often than not, I sit in on meetings on any given last night for a team and hear about the unexpected change that's taken place in their heart. I am blessed beyond words to be able to see this tiny piece of God's plan...seeing people look at the hurting and see them as people for the first time. They stop labeling them as "homeless, drunk, junkie, dying, hungry" and actually look the individuals as humans and hurt with them. I can only pray that they'll take that home with them and realize that the "beggars" back home are as human as any of the people they've connected with here.
CHWC left yesterday and it was, as always, hard to see them go. There's an undeniable happiness around here when we're together and have a week to reunite. I'm reminded year after year how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life. Michelle has been one of my most inspirational and best friends over the past few years and I'm constantly watching her give without seizing. She truly takes Matthew 6:3 to the core in not ever giving to receive credit or acknowledgement. I'm always learning from her love and wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country!
On the teams' last night, I spoke to them about how to make this short-term mission a lifelong experience. Any time I speak, I ask God to say what he wants through me. I don't trust myself to say anything that would be remotely inspiring or even educational to the teams compared to the words He has. For any CHWC people reading, I do have to apologize because looking back, I remember saying a lot of "I" and "me," which may have seemed normal in an autobiographical speech about my experiences but I feel like I gave myself some kind of credit for the work I've been able to be a part of when I have nothing to do with it. The only thing that I did was agree to go along for the ride and see where He would send me. One thing I've learned over the years is that God's going to do what he wants whether we're there for it or not...I could have NEVER reached where I am today if I hadn't listened to where He was telling me to go and kept faith that He'd provide in all areas of question. Once you follow the path He's put you on, you will be abundantly blessed-that is a promise. One other thing I've learned is that He won't ever fail and if He's telling you to do something, it's exactly what you should do. My passion for missions is unquestionably from Him and I want to go back and say that God gets the glory for the desire and motivation He's given me for missions.
Yesterday I had some time to relax before the next team came in and spent some time by the pool reading Out Live Your Life. If there's a place more serene than the side of the pool with a book in hand, listening to the waves from the ocean... I haven't been there. It's so good to have Betty back here and to have met Blythe. We went to church this morning and are spending the afternoon physically and mentally getting ready for the week ahead! By next Friday, there will be a roof over the head of a sweet man that doesn't have a home, hungry stomachs will be filled and love will be felt at a level that's beyond any of our dreams.
Hopefully I'll be updating much more this week than last week!
One love
This thought has really stuck with me as I've worked with American teams coming to third world countries as missionaries and Max Lucado has put my feelings into words. It's so easy, especially in our society, to shut your mind off to the possibility of helping or healing. How often do we turn the opposite direction if we see a homeless person asking for money or food? What about paying a visit to the parentless kids in your community? Too dangerous? Too dirty? My favorite part of being involved with missions is being able to see God work in peoples' lives. When people are here (myself included), our purpose is to show love. It may be through evangelism, spending time with kids, building a house for a family, supporting children and their education or just offering a listening ear. Regardless of how we're doing it, we're here to make sure that when we leave... these people know that they matter. What ends up happening is something unexpected and even terrifying for these giving souls: their life is changed. Who would have ever imagined that through giving, you are the one that's receiving the gift. More often than not, I sit in on meetings on any given last night for a team and hear about the unexpected change that's taken place in their heart. I am blessed beyond words to be able to see this tiny piece of God's plan...seeing people look at the hurting and see them as people for the first time. They stop labeling them as "homeless, drunk, junkie, dying, hungry" and actually look the individuals as humans and hurt with them. I can only pray that they'll take that home with them and realize that the "beggars" back home are as human as any of the people they've connected with here.
CHWC left yesterday and it was, as always, hard to see them go. There's an undeniable happiness around here when we're together and have a week to reunite. I'm reminded year after year how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life. Michelle has been one of my most inspirational and best friends over the past few years and I'm constantly watching her give without seizing. She truly takes Matthew 6:3 to the core in not ever giving to receive credit or acknowledgement. I'm always learning from her love and wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country!
On the teams' last night, I spoke to them about how to make this short-term mission a lifelong experience. Any time I speak, I ask God to say what he wants through me. I don't trust myself to say anything that would be remotely inspiring or even educational to the teams compared to the words He has. For any CHWC people reading, I do have to apologize because looking back, I remember saying a lot of "I" and "me," which may have seemed normal in an autobiographical speech about my experiences but I feel like I gave myself some kind of credit for the work I've been able to be a part of when I have nothing to do with it. The only thing that I did was agree to go along for the ride and see where He would send me. One thing I've learned over the years is that God's going to do what he wants whether we're there for it or not...I could have NEVER reached where I am today if I hadn't listened to where He was telling me to go and kept faith that He'd provide in all areas of question. Once you follow the path He's put you on, you will be abundantly blessed-that is a promise. One other thing I've learned is that He won't ever fail and if He's telling you to do something, it's exactly what you should do. My passion for missions is unquestionably from Him and I want to go back and say that God gets the glory for the desire and motivation He's given me for missions.
Yesterday I had some time to relax before the next team came in and spent some time by the pool reading Out Live Your Life. If there's a place more serene than the side of the pool with a book in hand, listening to the waves from the ocean... I haven't been there. It's so good to have Betty back here and to have met Blythe. We went to church this morning and are spending the afternoon physically and mentally getting ready for the week ahead! By next Friday, there will be a roof over the head of a sweet man that doesn't have a home, hungry stomachs will be filled and love will be felt at a level that's beyond any of our dreams.
Hopefully I'll be updating much more this week than last week!
One love
Week 1-Thursday
Where has this week gone?! I feel like I'm finally caught up on sleep, learning names, smiling and back to myself...just in time for CHWC's free day tomorrow! The past two days of work have been filled with sweat & tears as the team's been building eternal relationships with the Jamaican people. Yesterday I started the day with two teams in St. Ann's market buying groceries for families in SeVille Heights. There's nothing more entertaining than watching 18 Americans go in to a foreign grocery store to find "medium spice bun, salt fish, bag of red beans with twistie tie" and various other Jamaican food items. They actually did really well and stayed under budget! When we got to SeVille, I went to find somebody to tell us which families needed food. I haven't been at that worksite at all yet this summer, which made for an exciting hello with Richard and Marcus. There's no way to explain the love that I have for these people but when you work side by side for weeks, spending endless hours getting to know each other, there's a magnetic bond that exists no matter how long it's been since I've seen them. The first family we visited only had one family member home but we were able to deliver the groceries and pray with her. At the second house we met a sweet sweet sweet mommy named Opal. She's really young and struggling to raise a family on her own. She stood on the porch holding her baby, who's smile revealed the most adorable two teeth I've ever seen! Both ladies were clearly grateful and sent us off with abundant thanks!
Yesterday afternoon I went to the infirmary. I've certainly become more comfortable going there, especially as my friendships have grown but regardless of how many times I go or how many relationships I have, I still have a hard time being there. Before we went in the groups were prepared for what they'd be seeing. I've learned that it doesn't matter how many people say they've worked in hospitals or trauma units and can handle anything, the infirmary is the most sickening place I've ever been. The living conditions, the care and the lack of compassion that's seen there is nearly nonexistent. I went and said hello to everybody while aiming towards Ryan. There's no smile in the world better than Donovan's and I saw it from across the room. It always amazes me that he has such a fantastic memory and can tell me exactly when I was there last. He said he'd been waiting for me to come back since January and I, naturally, told him I'd have to stop visiting if he didn't just lock Dolores down and marry her! After catching up, a nurse came over and told me to have a talk with him because he'd been saying he didn't have a reason to live. My heart immediately sank. I've spend a lot of time in that place over the past couple of years and my biggest fear is hearing one of my friends say something implying a desire to die. I asked Donovan what on earth he was talking about and he explained that he doesn't see the point. He spends every day in the infirmary with terrible food, no hope of ever leaving or having a "normal" life, he can't even go to the road and just wants to go home. In all of the hours I've spent talking and laughing with Donovan, this was the first time I've seen his face drop before tears filled his eyes. He was being real, sharing his innermost thoughts about not wanting to live. I was able to talk to him and explain how much he's changed my life but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Uncle came over and talked to him about how much he has to live for. I don't have very many people that have been able to change my life with a smile but I'd do anything to make him understand how much he means to me.
Last night, the ladies cooked a delicious rump-roast with pumpkin rice, vegetables, baked potatoes and a sweet potato pie for dessert. It's become common knowledge around Miramar that sweet potato pie is my absolute favorite and Dorrett makes sure to hook it up! Uncle and Auntie came to speak to the team about what it's like to raise a family in Jamaica. I've had a chance to really form a close friendship with Auntie over the past year with the sponsorship program and learning what a giving person she is. I talked to the two of them after they spoke and learned that they're sending their daughter to college to study law. It's hard to find married couples on this island but to find a married couple that has dedicated their life together to giving and then not only send their kids to school but to give their daughter a chance to really make it is unheard of. I wish there were more people in the world like them!
Today I spent the day at SeVille overlooking the cementing, bucket lines and cinder block tossing. I FINALLY had an opportunity to catch up with Melanie in the morning while our teams were working together. She was on her last week and, as with any of us, wasn't quite ready to leave. I love knowing I've been blessed with these friends in my life that feel the same kind of calling to missions. It's comforting to have such a solid group of support when going home and need to talk to people that understand.
Yesterday afternoon I went to the infirmary. I've certainly become more comfortable going there, especially as my friendships have grown but regardless of how many times I go or how many relationships I have, I still have a hard time being there. Before we went in the groups were prepared for what they'd be seeing. I've learned that it doesn't matter how many people say they've worked in hospitals or trauma units and can handle anything, the infirmary is the most sickening place I've ever been. The living conditions, the care and the lack of compassion that's seen there is nearly nonexistent. I went and said hello to everybody while aiming towards Ryan. There's no smile in the world better than Donovan's and I saw it from across the room. It always amazes me that he has such a fantastic memory and can tell me exactly when I was there last. He said he'd been waiting for me to come back since January and I, naturally, told him I'd have to stop visiting if he didn't just lock Dolores down and marry her! After catching up, a nurse came over and told me to have a talk with him because he'd been saying he didn't have a reason to live. My heart immediately sank. I've spend a lot of time in that place over the past couple of years and my biggest fear is hearing one of my friends say something implying a desire to die. I asked Donovan what on earth he was talking about and he explained that he doesn't see the point. He spends every day in the infirmary with terrible food, no hope of ever leaving or having a "normal" life, he can't even go to the road and just wants to go home. In all of the hours I've spent talking and laughing with Donovan, this was the first time I've seen his face drop before tears filled his eyes. He was being real, sharing his innermost thoughts about not wanting to live. I was able to talk to him and explain how much he's changed my life but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Uncle came over and talked to him about how much he has to live for. I don't have very many people that have been able to change my life with a smile but I'd do anything to make him understand how much he means to me.
Last night, the ladies cooked a delicious rump-roast with pumpkin rice, vegetables, baked potatoes and a sweet potato pie for dessert. It's become common knowledge around Miramar that sweet potato pie is my absolute favorite and Dorrett makes sure to hook it up! Uncle and Auntie came to speak to the team about what it's like to raise a family in Jamaica. I've had a chance to really form a close friendship with Auntie over the past year with the sponsorship program and learning what a giving person she is. I talked to the two of them after they spoke and learned that they're sending their daughter to college to study law. It's hard to find married couples on this island but to find a married couple that has dedicated their life together to giving and then not only send their kids to school but to give their daughter a chance to really make it is unheard of. I wish there were more people in the world like them!
Today I spent the day at SeVille overlooking the cementing, bucket lines and cinder block tossing. I FINALLY had an opportunity to catch up with Melanie in the morning while our teams were working together. She was on her last week and, as with any of us, wasn't quite ready to leave. I love knowing I've been blessed with these friends in my life that feel the same kind of calling to missions. It's comforting to have such a solid group of support when going home and need to talk to people that understand.
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