No problems, only situations.

"Are we in love with God or just His stuff? Imagine how awful it would feel to have your child say to you, 'I don't really love you or want your love, but I would like my allowance please.' Conversely, what a beautiful gift it is to have the one you love look at you in the eye and say, 'I love you. Not your beauty, your money, your family or your car. Just you." -Francis Chan in Crazy Love

One of the many reasons I appreciate my time in Jamaica so much is that I have a tendency to build up a wall around me. I think we all do that to an extent, but my wall can be so thick that even if I know there's something that I need to hear or change...I walk away from it in order to go on living my life as it is. God knows about these stubborn tendencies and knows that I'm a much better listener when I'm pulled out of my carefree life and brought to my favorite place in the world to solely focus on Him. I've been doing quite a bit of reading and I'm finding that He keeps revealing the same message: if you don't focus your life on God, His love and His plan, you will find yourself making the other things in your life your personal earthly gods. When you do this, you will ALWAYS fall short. We end up finding ourselves working so hard for approval from others and believing that we're inadequate that we forget that we already have infinite grace. Guess what. You will never be good enough in the world's eyes... no matter how pretty you are, how much money you have, how much good you do, there will always be criticism from the world. Our idea of success is generally based on our income or our social status but what we don't always realize is what we're missing. Here, nothing is missing for me. My heart is whole, my walls are down and I see purpose. The people I meet are here to love, and to love with every ounce of their heart without holding back. The people we're loving show unconditional love in return. Nobody is holding out their scars or hiding behind a heartbreak from the past...we're just people helping people and everything makes sense. People aren't doing things to receive credit... they're helping because that's what they've been called to do. At a debrief the other night, Kendall said something that I've been constantly repeating to myself. She was talking about how blessed her and Nick have been and discussed a conversation she was having with God when she heard him say, "Kendall, I've given you your house, your job, your finances and everything that you have. Now what are you going to do in return?" In our society, when we are blessed we gain pride and arrogance rather than gaining gratitude and faith. People may say, "I've worked hard for my money and I want to spend it on what I want" when really, God's given you the ability and means to make the money and it should be used in the way that He wants. It's Gods money, you're managing it. There's always the exception of the lazy person that needs to get up and do something with themselves, but in general I think we need to change our way of thinking. As I was reading Crazy Love, I learned that "If one hundred people represented the world's population, fifty-three of those would live on less than $2 a day. Do you realize that if you make $4000 a month, you automatically make one hundred times more than the average person on the planet?" Most of these people are born into poverty, and breaking the cycle is out of the realm of possibility for them. This is where I've been able to see the most faithful people that I have ever met in my life because Jesus isn't all you need until He's all you have. God has shown me that prosperity hardens the heart and too many of us are "okay" going a day without acknowledging God...who has provided it all. Who needs God when they have "earned" everything that they need and more!? It's hard for God to really reveal himself to you if you think you have earned what you have, unless He takes you to a place where you feel alone and need Him. It's happened before and will probably happen again but I pray that I am rock solid in my faith the next time I do reach a dark place in my life or lose somebody I love because without faith, nothing makes sense. I have a long way to go until I reach and feel the reality of what He's been showing me, but each day brings a new lesson as I see the utter joy in these people who have nothing other than God.

Whew, sorry for the preaching session... I started and couldn't stop! The rest of last week was nothing short of unbelievable. Every day we saw miracles and found inspiration everywhere we went. The house spent every morning working on the house and every afternoon doing VBS with the kids at Windsor. Every day Mr. Willie showed more and more gratitude for his new house. One day, Nick shared that he was opening and shutting the doors over and over. Something as simple as a door is such a luxury that Mr. Willie couldn't believe that he was having doors on his house for the first time. I sit in disbelief when I see people like Mr. Willie thanking God for building him a house. This house is a 10x14, 1 room shelter. They don't get a bathroom or shower and unless the team has provided excess funds, they still won't have a bed. I need to spend at least 10 minutes every day by myself or I'll go insane...some of these houses put a roof over the heads of entire families that sleep on top of each other but are grateful for what they have. On the last day, Mr. Willie sat in the doorway jingling his keys with a big grin on his face while the team tried to organize a picture around him. Every time we'd walk around the area for VBS, we'd find him doing something else for the house. He was using every piece of scrap wood he could find to put shelves on a little beat-up dresser he had and used a nail to hang up his only jacket and hat on the wall.

At the end of last week, I went with Uncle to find the next houses that would be built. On Wednesday night we all talked and I prayed that we would be led to the people that are in desperate need for a house. It's hard because the need here is so relative and while there are SO many people in need, there are also mothers making a bed out of leaves under a tree for their children to sleep on at night. Uncle and I walked through Steertown and prayers were answered when we landed on Tina's doorstep. Tina is a young mother of 6 that I met last summer when she introduced herself as I was taking information for the sponsorship program. She gave me a torn, battered picture of her family and was begging for help. They'd lost their house in a fire and she felt no hope. I've been carrying her picture around for a year and haven't seen her since. She squinted and yelled my name, I pulled my glasses up and yelled her name and we were reunited. There are some people that have been put in my life and I know that they're there for a reason, but on many occasions never get to see the reason. With Tina, it was such a blessing to be back with her and meet her kids. They've been living in the same house that had the fire, 7 of them on 2 twin beds. Her kids ran up and hugged me as if I'd known them for years and her son asked "mom, this is katie?! she didn't forget us." Wow. While we were praying for God to lead us to somebody, she was praying for my return in desperation for a house for her family. I'd only spent a total of probably 20 minutes with Tina last year and for whatever reason, she saw our relationship as hope. God used that as an obvious answer to her prayer so that He would get the glory. I sooooo love being along for this ride.

Later that day, we'd seen the different houses and our decision wasn't settling right with me. I knew that there was somebody out there that was on their knees looking for mercy...and there was. When we went up to Windsor for VBS on Thursday, I met Melissa. Dusty has known Melissa for most of her life but I hadn't met her before now. Melissa is 29 years old and has been through more in her short life than most have lived through at the age of 100, yet is glowing with happiness. She came to me begging for help for a friend, Cheryl, who has been living in a dangerous part of town on her sisters floor, with her kids. Cheryl was living with her kids and their father, who was physically beating her to death. She believed that it was important for the kids to be living with their dad, so she put up with it. I haven't yet learned her entire story but she eventually left him to stay on the floor of this place where she and the kids are hearing gunshots every night. When Melissa called her to tell her I was willing to talk to her, I heard her scream "praise Jesus!" Cheryl started running from Steertown to Windsor for the hope of survival, safety and security for her kids. After multiple phone calls and no taxi's on the way...we ended up having to leave before I could talk to her. I told Melissa to keep praying and I'd do the same. A big part of me was afraid to even come back and talk to anybody about Cheryl's need because I was afraid to hear "no." We'd just talked about eliminating anybody except for elderly people that couldn't build on their own and my heart was so set on Cheryl, I couldn't bear to think about her going back to her feeling of hopelessness. It's funny how if it's God's plan, there's nothing to worry about... He had everything under control and I had the blessing of calling Melissa that night to tell her that Cheryl was going to be able to sleep at night by the end of next week. Cheryl fell to her knees as she cried and gave all of her thanks to the "fada up above."

The week ended with a day of tubing down white river and some relaxation time before the next team came in. I'm so excited to be working with Terry and her team again this year. She has the ability to guide these kids in a way that I've never seen before. I'm excited to see what happens this week with Cheryl, St. Josephs and the lives that are touched!